Alyssa Miller for Free People of the Day

The problem with Alyssa Miller is that her vagina is being marketed as something that smells like Jake Gyllenhaal’s penis, which is the fucking worst, because despite girls loving Jake Gyllenhaal, he’s a total bitch of a human who I have met and seen have a tantrum and it was hilarious….reminding me that she’s just bearding and if anything the only thing of hers that smells like Jake Gyllenhaal’s penis are a pair of her panties he steals to wear around the fucking house when she’s not banging him with a strap on….

So that makes her and her bikini modelling pretty okay by me..