Alyssa Miller for Esquire of the Day

Alyssa Miller is alright when half naked for Esquire…except for the simple fact that Jake Gyllenhaal, my enemy who actually got me into the tabloids after he attacked the girl I was fucking after I said “aren’t you the dude who killed Heath Ledger”…which was a valid question and didn’t need dude to react like a spoiled brat that he is…

So when I see her amazingness, I smell the tainted Gyllenhaal vagina, but you never know, cuz he’s gay..